Who’s In Control?

This afternoon the snow had melted and the sun had come out just enough that it just felt like the perfect time to take my little girl to the park. Her increased mobility over the last year has undoubtedly brought lots of challenges, but sometimes it also means we have more fun. The park is a great example.

Today I noticed her doing things that perhaps I couldn’t believe that she was quite ready to do. She climbed to levels that surely were too advanced for what my eyes saw as a little girl. She went down the “big kids” slide with no problems at all. I winced as I saw the really big kids run by and I was certain she was about to get hurt. She never did.

Perhaps my favorite moment was at a place that usually goes unnoticed. After going up a few steps and before the big swinging bridge, there is a wheel filled with marbles that makes a sound like rain when turned. She tried, but didn’t quite have the strength to turn it herself…and I had an idea.

Standing on the other side, I encouraged her to try again. This time, unbeknownst to her, I pushed the wheel at the exact moment she did and the clanking of the marbles sounded like a Jim Cantore-worthy downpour. I looked over and she squealed and left her mouth agape with her big brown eyes making a face that I wish I could have captured on camera to treasure forever. She had finally done it and she was so proud.

During this season of life I know there are many things that I wish I could do. I preach about faith, but day to day I feel like there are so many challenges that I feel ill equipped to do. I’ve tried and yet feel like the task is too daunting. Ways the church can do better. Ways that I can to better. Missteps along the way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. I can’t do this.

Today, as I helped my little girl, I started thinking about that faith and I heard the Spirit speaking to me. None of the things I am called to do are ultimately about my strengths, abilities, or anything else I want to give myself credit for doing. The only thing that I can control is putting my hands to the wheel and do everything I can when my Father calls me to do it.

The cool thing about that is that when and if I do, I know that he is on the other side, using his strength to make it happen. I have to remind myself regularly that the results aren’t up to me. I just have to be willing to try. God will handle the results and when he does, I hope that it is so great that I have that same mouth agape, bright-eyed feeling about how cool it was that it happened and I got to help.